Derek Clontz

Archive for September, 2007

Splat! Air Force One flushes potty over Hillary campaign headquarters

In Hillary Clinton, Hillary's X-rated campaign?, Presidential Race, air force one, campaign smear, politics, potty humor, president bush, republican dirty tricks, sanitation, straight poop, world diplomacy on September 30, 2007 at 3:01 am

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved. 

DEMOCRATS are fuming over what they’re calling the Bush administration’s “dirtiest trick yet” – flushing Air Force One’s potty over Sen. Hillary Clinton’s headquarters Washington, D.C.

The White House has yet to respond to the allegations. But Clinton staffers say the Boeing 747 “went out of its way to pinpoint” the plain brick building for what they called “a major dump” and it was, they say, “intentional.”

“There’s no mistaking the President’s plane, and when we saw it circling overhead, we began to think the worst, that maybe there had been another terrorist attack and it couldn’t land,” a source close to Sen. Clinton told me exclusively.

“Then all of a sudden – splat! It sounded like an elephant hitting the roof. Several interns who ran out to the street to watch the jet came back in soaked.

“And I’m not going to mince words here: They stunk.”

The Federal Aviation Administration will neither confirm nor deny that Air Force One was in the area at the time of the alleged “drop.”

But a source who has blabbed reliably in the past wouldn’t deny it, either, saying: “If someone says Air Force One was in the area, I’m not going to dispute it. But I can tell you that regardless of the craft’s location, the president wasn’t a passenger.

“He wasn’t flying.”

The source referred other questions to the White House, where, when asked by a reporter, press secretary Dana Perino snapped, “Ask the FAA.”

“Something’s rotten in Denmark – that’s for sure,” Sen. Clinton said.

What the hell’s happening at Area 51? Scientists want answers – fast

In area 51, armageddon, axis of evil, bible prophecy, big government, conspiracy, electricity bomb, end of the world, end times, high-tech gizmo, iran, judgment day, military, military weapons, north korea, president bush, survivalists, terror threat, terrorism, time machine, ufo, weather, wild world on September 27, 2007 at 1:03 am

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

LIGHTNING storms of a ferocity seldom seen in the United States have lit up the sky over the mysterious Area 51 military facility on 31 occasions since April 21, leading worried experts to convene in emergency meetings on two continents to ask “what the hell is going on?“ at the super secret base.

Details are sketchy, but theories and allegations abound – including angry charges by German and Russian researchers that the United States is testing a new anti-terror weapon that harnesses and intensifies the power of nature, turning ordinary weather events like thundershowers and blustery winds into remote-controlled weapons of mass destruction that can be used against Axis of Evil-enemies like North Korea and Iran with the United Nations and other critics none the wiser.

And that’s just one of the hair-raising speculations being floated, discussed and argued in conferences on both sides of the Atlantic. According to a hair-raising report that appeared on the front page of Germany’s hard-hitting Der Stern magazine, it has been suggested that Area 51 researchers are:

O Experimenting with a time machine or trying to open a portal into a parallel universe or another dimension – either of which could have far-reaching consequences on the future of mankind.

O In the final testing stages of a long-sought “electricity bomb” first predicted by Einstein in 1954 as a dangerously powerful but “clean” alternative to nuclear warheads.

O Testing or charging the propulsion systems of captured extraterrestrial aircraft – UFOs – as unstoppable weapons in the war on terror.

O Attempting to revive as many as 500 extraterrestrials who were, it is alleged, “flash frozen” alive in Area 51’s sprawling cryogenics laboratory following their capture in the 1950s. Experts say massive electrical charges – such as those found in lightning – almost certainly would be required to revive them.

O Battling to regain control of dangerous and ill-advised magnetic-field and sound-wave experiments that went haywire – and could spread the fierce electrical storms that are now confined to Area 51 throughout the world.

“Those scenarios might very well pale before an even more chilling scenario that the United States arrogantly chooses to hide from the world,” Dr. Alexei Kosomov, the famed Russian physicist whose theories on the energy-producing potentials of magnetic fields are considered classics in the field, told me exclusively.

“The world is, in fact, at a crossroads. This is no time for ‘cowboy experiments’ or unilateral activity of any kind. The world must know what is going on at Area 51. And we call on the United Nations to bring pressure to bear on President George Bush to cease and desist – or explain.”

White House and Pentagon spokesmen declined to comment on the allegations or Kosomov‘s criticisms. One Pentagon source actually threatened to “cause major problems” for one of my interns who pressed her for details.

Tight-lips are nothing new regarding Area 51. The top-secret facility, also known as Groom Lake, is located about 90 miles north of Las Vegas.

The site was developed in the 1950s and, despite official denials, it unquestionably is a proving ground for cutting-edge aircraft such as the U-2 spy plane, SR-71-Blackbird and the F-117A stealth fighter, all of which, it is said, incorporate some degree of technology developed from the study of extraterrestrial aircraft hidden away in hangars at the base.

Aircraft aside, Area 51 also is associated with the development and testing of futuristic weaponry and so-called “space-time experiments” that would give our government and military the power to alter the future and the past, it is hoped, to our advantage in the present.

As the White House and Pentagon struggle to keep whatever is happening at Area 51 under an impenetrable shroud of secrecy, in Los Angeles, critics and concerned citizens are threatening to sue for “a full accounting of current activity” under guidelines set out under the Freedom of Information Act.

“I’m not even sure that God knows what’s happening out there,” Catherine Trefton, founder and president of Into the Light, a watchdog group that claims a membership of over 2,000 citizens and scientists who oppose secrecy in government, told me.

“But we better find out before something goes terribly wrong – and we all pay the price.”

16 things you ought to know about the United Nations

In apocalypse, end times, militias, new world order, one-world government, politics, secrets the united nationsl doesn't want you to know, united nations, world diplomacy on September 26, 2007 at 3:12 am

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved. 

HARDLY A day passes when the United Nations doesn’t make a decision that will affect you and your children for the rest of your lives.

But what do you really know about this oddball collection of weirdly dressed and often shifty foreigners – many of whom had never seen a fork, telephone, television or car until they arrived at U.N. headquarters in New York?

“How much do you know about the United Nations? Probably not much,” former CIA operative and U.N. expert Mark Brandler told me exclusively.

“When you get down to it, I don’t know how much the U.N. knows about the U.N.

“You can’t pluck men and women off islands and mountaintops and then throw them into a skyscraper in the middle of New York City and expect them to get any kind of handle on what they’re supposed to be doing and why they’re supposed to be doing it.

“That is especially true when you realize that, on average, representatives have just a fourth-grade education. Many have never set foot in a schoolroom, much less studied in one.

“And yet we expect them to make decisions about social, political, cultural and military issues that are so complex the world’s best minds can’t make heads or tails of them.

“Only the U.N. would ask a man who wages war with a blowgun to weigh in on issues like nuclear disarmament and chemical and biological warfare – issues that profoundly affect the national security of the United States.

“For that matter, how can you ask a man who’s accustomed to trading animal skins for sewing needles to figure out the best way to dole out hundreds of billions of dollars in foreign aid?

“It’s like asking a baby to rebuild the World Trade Centers with Play Doh and Lincoln Logs. It just ain’t gonna happen.

“But for some reason, we keep pretending that it is.”

Brandler, 72, of New York, points out that most people think of the United States, Russia, China, Japan, Israel, the United Kingdom, France, Germany and a few other European countries as being the ‘world’.

“But when the U.N. gets together, you have representatives from 185 countries – let me repeat that, 185,” continues the expert.

“Try to name just 50 and you’ll begin to see what a complicated mess the United Nations really is. Most of these people come from countries that are so backward and poor that only a handful of the richest citizens have ever used a telephone or seen a newspaper or a TV.

“The life expectancy in these countries hovers around the age of 40. Just stop and think about that for a moment. Here in the U.S., our life expectancy is 70-plus.

“But in Afghanistan, for example, and 80 or so other countries, you’re worn out, actually an old person ready for a senior citizen’s ‘discount card’, when you hit 39.

“It’s clear that a man or woman who expects to die at the age of 40 isn’t going to view life and the world like you and I do – not by a longshot.

“But that doesn’t keep the United Nations from empowering them to make decisions that affect us all, not just for now, but forever.”

Here, according to Brandler, are little known facts about the U.N.

“If you are shocked,” he added, “call or write your congressmen and tell them to stop the madness and get us out of the U.N. – before it’s too late.”

  1. Over half of all representatives have visited a witch doctor for medical diagnosis and treatment in the past year.

    Of those, 26 reported “excellent results” after undergoing “psychic surgery”, the bogus, sleight-of-hand procedure that makes it look as if practitioners are extracting “deadly tumors” from patients without using a scalpel or leaving a wound of any kind.

  2. Representatives worship an estimated 3,000 different gods and goddesses, animals, bugs, plants, rocks and heavenly bodies-including every planet, at least two satellites and the sun!

    This doesn’t count the U.N.’s Hindus, who worship everything that moves-and sits still. Scholars say there are over 1 million “gods” on the Hindu books at present, with more being added as true believers stumble on something new to worship almost every day.

  3. U.N. security personnel seize an average of 72 weapons – including knives, machetes, ice picks, handguns, poison powders and liquids, voodoo dolls and razor-sharp karate “throwing stars” – from members each and every day the U.N. is in session.

    Over the years, although none have died, three representatives actually have been hit with poison darts while addressing the General Assembly.

  4. Almost half of the 185 countries represented in the United Nations consider women to be second-class citizens with few if any rights beyond the right to bear and rear children and do what men tell them to do.
  5. A staggering 82 percent of nationalities represented in the U.N. consider themselves and their people to be smarter, stronger, prettier and more capable than all other nationalities despite the passage of hundreds of resolutions declaring all men to have been created equally.
  6. On at least 22 occasions since the U.N. was founded in 1945, representatives from one backward country or another have traded their homelands to craftier colleagues for such trinkets as a malfunctioning boom box, an electric blanket, costume jewelry, Monopoly money and a six-month supply of Cracker Jacks-less the prizes.

    In each instance, the trade was discovered and undone by majority vote of the General Assembly.

  7. 7. Dozens of resolutions proposing animal and human sacrifices to end droughts, plagues and pestilence have been proposed and narrowly rejected on the floor of the General Assembly.
  8. Slightly more than half of U.N. representatives believe that having their picture taken results in the loss of their souls.

    Needless to say, terror ensues anytime anyone pulls a camera out on the floor of the U.N. and that’s why the movement of news photographers is severely restricted.

  9. Throughout the 1960s and 1970s a block of 26 Third World countries consistently sided with the United States against the Soviet Union until it finally occurred to them that they, themselves, were socialists-and should have been siding with the Russians.
  10. At last count, 54 percent of representatives absolutely refused to believe that American astronauts have been to the moon.

    A slightly smaller percentage, 51 percent, think the world is flat and give no more credence to a newscast showing shuttle astronauts zipping through space than they give to a Disney cartoon.

  11. When put to a vote-as it has been on 11 occasions-grasshoppers and termites consistently rank as the “official snack food” of the U.N.
  12. The authors of children’s books are often enlisted to help write U.N. resolutions so that representatives will have a better chance of understanding them. It’s never been stated for the record, but beloved Dr. Seuss is believed to have ghostwritten no fewer than 600 resolutions before his tragic death earlier this decade.
  13. Six representatives have shrunken a head in the past six months-eight others have tasted human flesh.
  14. One third of representatives have two or more wives.
  15. Surveys show that U.N. representatives are far more fascinated with fire than the general population. Cigarette lighters and kitchen matches are far and away the No. 1 gift representatives send back home.
  16. The official languages of the United Nations are English and French, but drums – that’s right, drums – have been suggested as an “alternate mode of communication” on at least 26 occasions dating back to the 1960s.

Computerized ‘near-death goggles’ take you to Heaven BEFORE you die

In afterlife, computer science, end times, heaven, heaven unveiled, high-tech gizmo, near-death experience, new inventions, technology, trade show superstar, video games, what heaven is really like on September 25, 2007 at 3:59 am

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved. 

YOU CAN experience the awe, power and mystery of the afterlife with “near-death goggles” that make death so amazingly real and appealing that you might not want to take them off – ever.

So says born-again Christian inventor Yoshimo Takara, the computer expert who introduced the goggles “on a whim” at a technology show in Hong Kong and is now swamped with orders that by his estimate will take four to six years to fulfill.

“I made the goggles for my children – I had no idea adults would stand in line to buy them,” Takara, 38, told me exclusively in a telephone interview from his apartment in Tokyo.

“But I have seen how people respond when they put them on. They are very happy.

“In some cases they grow angry and push you away when ask them to take off the goggles so someone else can try them.”

But he isn’t complaining. With a suggested retail of $3,500 a pair – about the price of a state-of-the-art home computer – Takara stands to become a millionaire many times over based on advance orders alone.

The inventor declines to discuss the technical aspects of “Virtual Afterlife,” as he calls the goggles. But they plainly rely on the “cyber reality” technologies that are in wide use in video games and at amusement parks such as Universal Studios and Disney World.

The difference is in the scope of the concept and the complexity of the software that drives the goggles.

While ordinary video games allow players to fight, play football, race cars and pilot starships, Takara’s goggles let users to speak with Jesus and his disciples, sit on God’s lap, walk on streets of gold and also saunter through landscapes of such exquisite serenity and unearthly perfection that some users already are being described clinically as “addicts.”

But there’s more. By purchasing additional software, users can use the goggles to chat with departed friends and loved ones.

There’s even a program that allows users to “try” suicide, a feature that Takara admits is apt to be far more popular in Japan, where suicide is considered honorable, than in the U.S., where it’s frowned upon and against the law.

Freelance writer Tammy Maron, 44, experienced the goggles in a 22-minute test run at the technology show in Hong Kong. She says the experience “was more than entertaining – it changed my life.”

“It started out like the near-death experiences people describe after they die on an operating table or in a car crash and are later revived,” she told me.

“At first I seemed to be sliding through a long, black corridor into a pinpoint of light. The light got bigger and bigger until I found myself immersed in it.

“As I looked around I could feel Christ his love and his light penetrating into my heart and soul. I was filled with love. I was consumed by love. It was everywhere and it seemed to ripple out in all directions into eternity.

“Then Christ took shape as a human and he looked just like those renditions you see in the Bible, the ones where he has the long blond hair and blue eyes. He took my hand and led me along a golden street into a great shimmering city of silver and white.

“He took me to the throne of God and all I can say is that it was real – absolutely real. “I now believe Yoshimo was inspired byGod to create these goggles just as Moses was inspired to write the 10 Commandments.

“When you get a chance to wear the goggles yourself, you’ll know what I mean.”

Takara makes no bones about the fact that he is a born-again Christian, but he stops short of saying the goggles were divinely inspired.

“If they were inspired I’m not aware of it,” he says. “But as we all know, God works in mysterious ways.”

Along those lines, perhaps, several firms have approached Takara about purchasing large numbers of the goggles to lease to hospitals and nursing homes to help terminally ill patients experience a preview of the afterlife and overcome their fear of dying.

The inventor expects to sell millions of the units in America once production is in full swing.

“We’d like to get some on the shelves in time for Christmas,” he said.

Fungus from space is destroying human brains and driving us all crazy, says scientist

In bible prophecy, brain fungus, end of the world, end times, fringe theory, psychology on September 20, 2007 at 11:30 pm

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

A respected American scientist says every man, woman and child on the planet has been infected with a microscopic “space fungus” that’s driving us all insane.

And Dr. Adrian Hammrill – a former medical director of Washington’s super-secretive Pellor Institutes for Infectious Disease Studies – says you need look no further than the headlines in your morning newspaper “to realize something terrifying is going down.”

“Terrorism, murder, rape, child abuse, pornography, gang violence – these are not the fruits of a sane society … these are are the fruits of a society gone mad,” the expert told me exclusively.

“And it’s nobody’s fault. Even the most evil and murderous among us aren’t to blame for their behavior. I’ve studied this problem for 11 years.

“I’ve approached it from every angle. I’ve considered every pro and con.

“We are powerless because we’ve been infected by a fungus that is unlike any other on Earth, a fungus that poisons and destroys the human brain.

“Our civilization is under attack from an enemy far more insidious than any terrorist – an enemy that cannot be seen with the naked eye.

“Where did it originate? How did it get here? One of my research assistants says ‘God sent it.’

“That might very well be true. But for scientific purposes, I prefer to say it came to earth on the wings and nose cone of a space shuttle, at least that is what the evidence suggests.”

Hammrill says he needs “funding to the tune of at least $2 million” to prove the fungus is destroying brains on a global scale, a theory that has been supported, he suggests, “by limited testing on mental patients, prison inmates and school children in California and Arkansas in the United States – and in Russia and Japan abroad.”

He declined say why he thinks the fungus hitched a ride to earth on a space shuttle.

But it has been rumored in space circles for decades that NASA scientists “discovered strange spores” while checking a shuttle for wear and tear after a flight in the early 1980s.

Hammrill says the fungus has been found “in soil and air samples taken from every continent except Antarctica, and also in the blood of every human I’ve ever tested.”

“Once it enters the body through the mouth or nose it gets into the blood and then accumulates in the brain,” explains the expert.

“It proceeds over time to alter the chemical processes required for stable functioning. It also produces neurotoxins that destroy brain cells.

“That’s why we see increasingly irrational violence and the degradation of morals and of society as a whole.

“At the moment, I don’t think there is a single totally sane human being on this planet. I think everyone has been compromised to degree.

“The road to insanity seems to meander for some. But for others, it’s a quick trip from normalcy to madness.

“One day they’re fine. The next day they snap. It’s as if each and every one of us is a time bomb.”

Without adequate funding, Hammrill has had to reel in a study that sought to develop “a quick, reliable and inexpensive test” to identify the fungus in infected people and also “in the wild.”

As it stands, tests aren’t entirely accurate because the fungus is unusual. Complicating matters even more, it sometimes seems to vanish only to return at a later date, says Hammrill, “and false negatives and false positives are the norm.”

Only with a new and accurate test, he continues, “can we begin to look for effective treatments and possibly even a vaccine to prevent infection.”

The fungus doesn’t appear to infect animals, which probably has less to do with them having natural immunities than the fact that they lack the higher regions of the brain that the fungus attacks, Hammrill says.

“Until we find a solution,” he continues, “there isn’t much we can do other than hope that the fungus dies out before humanity destroys itself under its influence.

“Meanwhile, those of us who have the willpower should fight to minimize its ill effects. No matter how badly you want to do something you know is crazy or wrong, resist the urge with all your might.

“Put down the pistol before you shoot your wife. Drop the butcher knife on the floor before you slice your newborn son to ribbons.

“Don’t hijack an airplane and fly it into skyscraper. Just say ‘no’ when that little voice in your head tells you to strangle your neighbor. Turn off the TV news and refuse to watch the carnage they serve up under the banner of ‘news’ because it will only feed psychotic influences you should be trying to avoid.

“These are just a few of the things we can do to fight the ‘fungal madness’ that’s overtaking mankind. If we’re lucky, it won’t be too little, too late.

“If we aren‘t lucky, may God help us all.”

Bizarre Al-Qaeda plot to ‘crop-dust’ U.S. cities with mind-bending LSD

In 9/11, apocalypse, armageddon, bin laden, conspiracy, end times, lsd, militias, summer of love, terror threat, terrorism on September 16, 2007 at 2:15 pm

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

AT LEAST 22 al-Qaeda pilots are awaiting orders to “crop-dust” major U.S. cities like Chicago, New York and Los Angeles with tons of mind-bending LSD in a chilling bid to start the 1960s all over again - and destroy our will to fight.

And if you think “Operation New Summer of Love” is a way-out proposition, say FBI sources, consider this: Both the U.S. Army and CIA have stockpiled over two billion hits of the powerful hallucinogen to use against our enemies in the same way that Osama bin Laden’s terror group plans to use it against us.

The effects of an LSD “dusting”, continue the sources, would be harrowing indeed.

Computer models developed at FBI headquarters in Washington suggest that millions of otherwise sane men, women and children really would “turn on, tune in and drop out” – 1960s style – giving terrorists free reign to destroy our country from the inside out.

“The use of LSD against American citizens is not a matter of if, but when,” warns an FBI source familiar with the plot that was exposed by al-Qaeda operatives after their arrest in Germany for possession of chemicals that are used to make the drug.

“If bin Laden gets his way, we won’t be fighting terrorists - we’ll be shuffling around with flowers in our hair and living out 1967’s Summer of Love all over again.

“LSD is an exceptionally potent and dangerous ‘agent of change’. Don’t forget - the U.S. Army conducted extensive research on the drug for use in chemical and psychological warfare in the 1950s and 1960s, actually dosing soldiers without their knowledge to study how the drug diminished a person’s will to defend himself and fight for a cause.

“Forty years later, many of those soldiers are still clinically insane – they‘ve never recovered – and the Pentagon has shelled out hundreds of millions of dollars to compensate them for the damage.

“What we learned from that debacle is that LSD is easy to make and easy to dose. Not only that, it strips people of their sense of self, their sense of country, and their will to fight.

“If a dozen or so crop-dusters fanned out over Chicago, within an hour,  the city would be psychotic - millions of people would be tripping their brains out, lost in a hallucinogenic nether world of their own making. Over the course of the next 10 to 12 hours, which is how long the effects last, we would expect to see thousands of suicides.

“Otherwise normal people would be running wild in the streets or cowering in corners in a futile attempt to cope with terrifying hallucinations and wild thoughts and perceptions that had no basis in reality.

“While citizens were physically and psychologically compromised, al-Qaeda operatives on the ground would have free reign to plant dirty bombs, spread smallpox and anthrax, and even assassinate key people with nobody lifting a finger to stop them.

“When you’re high on LSD, you won’t care whether George Bush is president – or bin Laden is king. All you’ll want to do is run and hide, dance and play – or figure out how to get to the top of tall building so you can jump off and kill yourself.

“And what’s really scary about ‘acid’ is that some people never recover normal thought patterns. Some do – but it can take weeks or months to shake off feelings of ‘peace, love and brotherhood’ and get back to the hard business of reality.”

The FBI’s chilling assessment of the “credible, urgent and multi-sourced threat” is echoed at the Office of Homeland Security.

Director Michael Chertoff has called on the CIA – which is reported to have 1.7 million hits of pure LSD-25 stashed away for clandestine use – to tutor his staff in what to expect from a population dosed with the drug.

“They’re showing us films of San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury district in 1967,” reveals a OHS source. “They’re showing us footage of Grateful Dead concerts.

“It’s scary. To think that millions of Americans might be sniffing flowers and ‘balling’ in a public park while our country is under attack is a terrifying prospect.“

While the FBI and Office of Homeland Security continue to assess the threat and develop a plan to help citizens protect themselves from an LSD attack, anti-war activists have seized on the news as a way to promote peace.

“Bring it on,“ was the war cry of one protestor, a 55-year-old tree surgeon who says he took his “fair share of LSD” in the 1960s. “This might be our last chance to stop all this fighting and find love and peace.”

Fire up your love life with fish hooks, bullets and a bar of soap

In Sex, bonding, fine art of seduction, fish hook sex toy, is your honey a dud in the sack?, love, love gifts, marriage, men and women, relationships, sex frequency on September 12, 2007 at 11:11 pm

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/ 4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

YOU CAN fire up your love life overnight with ordinary items like fish hooks, bullets and a bar of soap.

That’s what I learned in interviews with professional counselors who told me that couples who take just three to five seconds a day to express their love for one another in simple and inexpensive but creative ways engage in intimacies at least four times as often as those who don’t.

And when given a choice of three words to describe their intimacies, those same couples choose “electrifying” over “very good” and “adequate” – every time, the experts said.

“Men and women who have learned how to express their love for one another simply and regularly have the most sex and the best sex period,” Paula Trefton, a marriage counselor with offices in London and New York, told me exclusively.

“These couples have learned that it isn’t what you say to your spouse or lover that opens the door to great sex, it’s how you say it and how often you say it that really counts.

“I’ve found, for instance, that leaving a hastily-scribbled “I love you!” on a scrap of paper for your significant other to find or even giving him an inexpensive ‘gift’ of fish hooks or a few sticks of gum is every bit as likely to win you a love session as a dozen red roses or a piece of fine jewelry.

“There’s something about the spontaneity of the scribbled note or cheap gift that touches both men and women on a profoundly deep level. And unlike flowers, jewelry and other expensive gifts, which often have the ‘feel’ of bribes, these are things you can ‘lavish’ on your lover every day.”

Dr. Roberto Garcia, a psychologist in Miami, FL, couldn’t agree more.

“Statistics vary, but it’s safe to say the average American couple engages in sexual intimacies four times a month,” he told me in an interview at his office overlooking Biscayne Bay.

“By way of comparison, couples who take those few seconds to express their love for one another in creative ways each and every day have sex an average of four times a week.

“I don’t mind telling you that after seeing those results, I started leaving love notes to my wife all over the place. It’s changed my life.”

In interviews with hundreds of patients over the past 10 years, the experts discovered a number of inexpensive and ingenious ways that savvy couples have found to keep their interest in one another at fever pitch.

Following their example, you can:

o Write “I love you!” on a bathroom mirror with a bar of soap. For added impact, don’t wipe it off … ever.

o Scribble “I want you!” or other Valentine’s-like messages such as “Hot Mama!”, “Ooo Baby!” or “Gimme! Gimme!” on a scrap of paper adorned with “smiley faces” or any other day-brightening or sexually-suggestive doodle you can think of.

Tape it to a broom or mop handle, the dishwasher, the steering wheel of his car -anywhere your sweet-cakes is sure to find it.

o Buy an inexpensive gift and hide it where your lover will stumble on it after he leaves the house.

If your man likes to hunt or fish, for example, you can slip a package of fish hooks or a few new bullets or shotgun shells in his briefcase or lunch box before he goes to work.

If your gal likes chocolates or wears lots of makeup, you can drop a few messy-but-sensual candies – chocolate-covered cherries, for instance – or a tube of lip gloss in her purse. It might sound corny. But the experts confirm that the tiniest of surprises say “I love you” in a very sexy way.

o Telephone your spouse and say, “I love you, baby!” at odd hours of the day. Don’t wait for a response – hang up as soon as you blurt it out.

“We don’t really know why, but the message seems to be sexier that way,” said Trefton.

“You really can improve your sex life and strengthen the bond between you and your mate simply and inexpensively,”she added.

“Just use your imagination and make sure you don’t forget to say ‘I love you!’ in some special way every day.”

New study confirms it – 8 of 10 workers are smarter than their bosses; read more in this week’s Wild Wild World of News

In blue collar, career, intelligence, jobs, life, new studies, odd, offbeat, office talk, personnel department, secretaries, workingmen on September 12, 2007 at 2:19 am

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

AN EYE-OPENING new study proves it beyond the shadow of a doubt: Eight of 10 workers are smarter than their bosses – often dramatically so.

The fact is, say researchers at the University of Southern California, rank-and-file workers boast IQs that are on average 11 points higher than those of the men and women who boss them around on the job.

“This should serve as a wakeup call,” Priscilla Marle, who headed up the study, told me exclusively. “Workers definitely need a bigger say in what happens on the job. I know I do.”

Not tonight, dear – YOU have a headache; read how reverse-love-potions won’t put you in the mood

HERBS LIKE scullcap and hops not only curb sex drive, they’re selling like hotcakes to women who’ve had their fill of intimacies fueled by Viagra, the prescription impotency pill for men. The gals apparently slip their hubbies an herbal “mickey” in drinks or food, bringing themselves “blessed relief” for the night, reports say.

Both botanicals are known as “anaphrodisiacs” – meaning they put the brakes on sex drive rather than rev it up like aphrodisiacs.

End Times Hall of Shame – man nets $200-Gs selling tickets to the Rapture
 
SUPER-SHIFTY Alfredo Mendes raked in a whopping $200,000 selling tickets to the Bible’s Rapture.

The twice-convicted con man shamelessly published newspaper ads claiming true believers would be lifted directly into Heaven – alive -from an unspecified location in Belo Horizonte, Brazil.

For $100, he promised to reveal the location – and 2,000 people sent in the cash. Mendes was arrested on fraud charges when the Rapture failed to materialize and he remains jailed without benefit of bond.

Although only 2,000 people bought tickets, an estimated 8,000 showed up for the event, Brazilian news agencies report.

Has it really come to this? U.S. employees can’t find America on a world map

A shameful three of 10 federal employees can’t find the United States on a world map, a State Department survey reveals. Said one analyst at a news conference in Washington: “It makes me wonder how they get to work in the morning.”

Put to the test by reporters, the analyst pinpointed the U.S. on a map … but couldn’t find Chicago, New York or L.A.

Potty’s revenge – exploding toilet kills seven

SEVEN MEN were killed when the pay toilet they were sharing in Calcutta, India, exploded – blowing them to smithereens. Investigators blamed the disaster on sewer gases.

The name’s no game – lady execs have the CRYSTAL connection

A SURPRISING 25 percent of American women earning more than $250,000 a year are named Crystal, a Harvard study shows. Nobody knows why the name is so popular among lady execs. But as one researcher put it: “If you’re thinking of a name for a new baby, you might want to consider one with proven success.”

Rounding out the Top 5 most popular names for megabucks working gals: Kristen, Donna, Sharon and Susan.

It’s a good thing cars don’t come with showers …

A STAGGERING nine of 10 women routinely apply lipstick, eye liner and other makeup while driving their cars – but here’s the shocker: Two of 10 MEN do the same, an Ohio State University study confirmed.

A portrait in courage you’ll never forget: How muscular dystrophy child transformed a high school

In Beauty, death, friendship, inspirational, life's lessons, love, muscular dystrophy, religion on September 11, 2007 at 9:01 pm

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

IT WAS A PRETTY CRUEL group of kids who teased and tormented Billy Thomas through the 17 years of classroom study that it took for him to get his high school diploma.

As the length of time he spent in the classroom might indicate, Billy wasn’t quite like those other kids, nor was he quite so well equipped to excel in his classes.

It wasn’t that his intelligence was lacking. After all, he had an above-average IQ of 117.

A more likely candidate for his troubles was the muscular dystrophy that robbed him of his coordination and the simple strength required to turn the page of a book, pick up a pencil to sign his name or even wipe the drool from his own chin.

Of course, the kids Billy grew up with weren’t particularly concerned with the why or the how of it. They just knew  he was different – a “retard” - and something in their foolish hearts told them that tormenting Billy was, in fact, the “right” thing to do.

Looking back, folks say that if Billy ever had a friend, nobody was aware of it.

The one thing he did have was a smile on his face, through thick and thin, through all the teasing, through all the tormenting, until the bitter end, which came, it seemed, in a jarringly grotesque stroke of bad timing – when Billy fell into a coma just hours before the only dream he ever dared to dream was within his grasp: Graduating from high school.

A lot of people have a lot of opinions about what happened in the hours after he lost consciousness. Suffice it to say that the word spread fast.

And in one of those transformational “awakenings” that occasionally occur at times like this, the kids who had done everything in their power to make Billy’s life a living hell suddenly “got it.”

Some say it was the meanest and cruelest kids in school who carried Billy’s limp, comatose body into the high school assembly hall. Others say the meanest, cruelest kids were sobbing in the parking lot.

But the one thing everybody agrees on is this: There wasn’t a single cruel taunt awaiting Billy that night.

In fact, the only sound anyone recalls hearing was the ovation that rumbled like rolling summer thunder for 35 astonishing minutes, an ovation that might have gone on for hours if Billy’s eyelids hadn’t fluttered weakly open, enabling him to see his past, present, and future blending into one great and wonderful thing in the final moments of his life.

And in the whooshing avalanche of sound-becoming-silence that followed, a bone-thin hand wafted up from Billy’s side to accept the high school diploma that was the first and final symbol of achievement in what surely was, from the point of view of a simple “retard” such as Billy, a life damn well lived.

For what seemed like forever, folks say, but surely was just a fraction of a second, Billy held that precious scrap of paper in trembling, disease-weakened fingers, held it fast and tight before the burden of living became too much to bear.

In a time and space so deep, rich, full and heart-rending that tough guys grown men still weep with the simple act of recalling it, Billy’s eyelids closed as softly as a butterfly’s wings flutter for the last time.

 Just then, as you might very well imagine, Heaven’s newest resident – and surely its proudest high school graduate – breathed a shallow last breath, releasing an unconquerable spirit that found perfect freedom, at long, long, last, in a crippled kid’s sweet death.

Now you may think the story ends where it started, in Sydney, Australia, and when it started, on Sept. 12, 1957 – but that isn’t at all the case. Billy’s story continues to this day, you see, with the annual Graduates’ March, a candle-lit, 50-mile walk that has raised money for sick and dying children and their families for the past 50 years.

The leaders of the March are the “cruel” kids Billy attended school with. And the only ones missing year to year are thoe who have joined the brave kid who wasn’t “normal enough” to be their friend, but became their hero – and changed their lives forever.

Feminists want men replaced by robots by 2020, and experts say, ‘It can be done’

In Sex, artificial intelligence, gay windfall, male-female relations, men vs women, odd, robot sex, robotics, what will they think of next, wild world, women on September 11, 2007 at 5:00 pm

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc.

FIREBRAND feminists have issued a startling challenge to scientists: Build us robots to replace men by the year 2020 - or else.

And, amazingly, experts in the fields of computer science and artificial intelligence say it can be done.

“We can make a serviceable male ‘sex-bot‘ right now,” Dr. Pauline Fallington, whose scholarly books on robotics and artificial intelligence are considered standards in the field, told me exclusively.

“But what we’re hearing women say they want is a robot that can perform all the functions of the human male, a machine that can hold simple conversations, perform passably for short periods in bed, do chores around the house, and provide a sense of physical security for those who are uncomfortable living alone.

“A tall order, it would seem, but certainly within the realm of what’s possible. I’d say it’s quite likely that we can create robots that will compare quite favorably with men if not surpass them.“

Male advocacy groups are outraged by the suggestion that men can be replaced by machines, especially in the bedroom where imagination and creativity play as much of a role as “mechanics.”.

But growing numbers of women are thrilled by the prospect – and they’re pressing for it.

“It’s been a man’s world long enough,” fumes Marilyn Foste, British author of the controversial new book, Real Women Don’t Wear Tampons (Foste Sisters Press, London).

“Women are making gains in the workplace, so we don’t need men to support us. About the only thing we do need them for is sex, for companionship, for protection and to help out with the kids.

“Talk to any woman with a significant other and ask her about her guy. She’ll tell you he’s uncouth, demanding, lazy, seldom talks or offers support, and is only a marginal player in the sack.

“So how sophisticated does a robot have to be to top that? I would suggest to you, not very.”

Amazingly, gay men are jumping on the “replace men with robots” bandwagon, too.

“We figure if women get the robots, we’ll get the men,“ chortles gay activist Roger Delacourt, also of London.

“This could do wonders for the gay movement.”

While gay men and feminists lick their chops over what the future might bring, men who subscribe to traditional views of sex, marriage and the family unit are preparing to fight back.

“Contrary to what some women might say, men are still in control,” says Rev. Dr. Paul Mort, Dallas, Texas-based clergyman with a shortwave ministry. “We might be a silent majority now, but if you press us too far, I think you’ll see us bring the little fillies back under control.”

Rev. Billy Graham’s End Times Prophecies – Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are riding now, says famed evangelist

In 9/11, apocalypse, armageddon, bible, bible prophecy, billy graham, book reviews, christian thought, end times, judgment day, militias, one-world government, prophecy, religion on September 11, 2007 at 3:56 pm

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved. 

The Bible’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are riding now, as you read this, in the fulfillment of Bible prophecy that proves the end of the world is at hand.

That’s the word from famed evangelist Dr. Billy Graham, who declines to give an exact date for the end but flatly states: “I have heard the distant sound of hoofbeats and seen the evil riders on the horizon of our lives.

“There is serious trouble ahead for our world, for all of us who live in it. It will be a time of nuclear conflagrations, biological holocausts and chemical apocalypses rolling over the Earth, bringing man to the edge of the precipice.

“History will ‘bottom out’ in the battle of Armageddon,” he continued. “We already see its shadow creeping over the Earth. It is estimated that 40 wars are going on somewhere in the world at any given time,” continued the evangelist. “Any one of them could be the beginning of the beginning of the end.”

Dr. Graham expressed hid grim but ultimately hopeful vision of man’s future in his landmark book, Approaching Hoofbeats, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Avon Books, New York, $4.95).

The hope, as he points out, is found in the words of Jesus Christ, who promised to return to Earth before mankind is annihilated–and establish Heaven on Earth.

The problem, continues Dr. Graham, is the period if trial and tribulation, of pestilence, plague and world war, that we face before Christ returns.

In fact, in Matthew 24:22, Christ Himself said: “If those days had not been cut short, no one would survive.”

For those who think the end will come “out of nowhere,” Dr. Graham points out that the end, in many ways, has been creeping up on mankind for years.

From the poisoning of the environment with pollutants of every description to the stockpiling of enough nuclear warheads to destroy the world 17 times over, the seeds of our own horrifying destruction have already been sown.

And yet, he notes, quoting 2 Peter 3:9, 10: ” The day of the Lord will come like a thief. The Heavens will disappear with a roar. The elements will be destroyed by fire and the Earth and everything in it.”

Before that cataclysmic event horrifyingly comes to pass, said Dr. Graham, mankind faces the terrible lies and wrath of Satan who, according to Revelation 6:8, will kill one quarter of the population of Earth–over a billion people. The spiritual death of billions more will impoverish the world. Drought, famine and pestilence will contribute to global starvation and suffering.

Millions will go mad with pain and terror. Disease even worse than AIDS will sweep the globe, contributing to the horrifying scenario that eventually leads to Armageddon itself.

And then, “Suddenly chaos grips the universe,” said Dr. Graham. An earthquake shakes the entire world, no Richter scale could measure its fury. There is a complete eclipse of the Sun. In fact, reports John (in Revelation), “The sun turned black….the whole moon turned blood red, and the stars in the sky fell to Earth as late figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind.”

Only then, said Dr. Graham, will the misery turn to joy–after God closes the books on human history and establishes Paradise on Earth.

“Before judgement falls, however, God always warns,” said Dr. Graham. “And lest you be frightened by the specter of misery to come, you should really rejoice, because Christ tells us in the next to the last verse of the Bible: ‘I am coming soon.’”

Second Great Depression just weeks away, warns expert

In apocalypse, book reviews, economy, militias, money, new books, one-world government, second great depression, survivalists on September 10, 2007 at 1:36 am

THE GREAT DEPRESSION was a walk in the park compared to the social and economic holocaust facing America today.

But you can survive the end of life as we know it with the no-nonsense tips you’ll find in James Rawles’ important new book: Patriots: Surviving the Coming Collapse.

According to Rawles, America is barreling unstoppably toward a financial crash of such intensity and depth that it will strip away the underpinnings of civilization itself.

The collapse, he says, will challenge every man, woman and child in the country to somehow get by without adequate food, water, power, medical care or police protection while kill-crazy looters, gangs, escaped convicts and even cannibals run wild in the streets.

And Rawles isn’t talking about a short-term “inconvenience” that might disrupt your life for a week or two.

He’s talking about madness and anarchy that could rage unchecked for years or even decades before we even begin to see the light of day.

“I can’t s ay that everything in the book will come to pass – only God knows what the future will bring,” Rawles told me in an exclusive interview.

“But if the worst happens, if we do face social and economic collapse in this country, then my book can help you and your loved ones prepare for it.

“Some people might think I wrote Patriots for survivalists, militia members and Christians only,” he added, “but that just isn’t the case.

“Anybody involved in emergency services or disaster planning, from police officers, firefighters and paramedics to Red Cross volunteers and hospital personnel, can learn from it.

“So can clergymen, farmers, ranchers, precious metals investors and anyone opposed to one-world government.”

Unlike the authors of “pop” survival manuals or local newspaper articles that sugar-coat the situation or even deny the fact that America’s days as a free and prosperous country are numbered, Rawles – a former Army intelligence officer – offers up a vision of our future:

- so bloody …

- so terrifying …

- and so grim …

… that the faint of heart should seriously consider having a stronger friend or family member read the book for them.

Eye-winking mainstream analysts, for example, generally advise you to stash away a little non-perishable food, a few gallons of water and some extra batteries to prepare yourself for any shortages we might face when banks close and civilization crumbles around us.

Rawles, on the other hand, doesn’t beat around the bush.

He warns of a social and economic holocaust of unprecedented scope.

And he advises you to stockpile food, water, guns and ammunition, herbal and prescription medicines, fuels and other essentials to see you through years of absolute Hell on Earth.

He goes on to provide you with hard-hitting, real-world, real-life advice, telling you how to:

o Rip an abscessed tooth out of your head when there’s no dentist around by using a string to attach it to a bent sapling – and then letting the sapling fly.

o Bury your friends and loved ones while civil and guerrilla warfare rage around you.

o Deliver a baby when there’s no doctor or midwife around to help.

o Perform emergency, life or death “battlefield surgery” in your home our hideout while your patient is wide awake and writhing on the floor in front of you.

o Ambush and rout or even kill gangs of looters, criminals and cannibals – even when you’re outnumbered and out-armed.

He goes on to advise men, women and children everywhere to hone their survival skills now – before it’s too late – and stresses the importance of learning to:

o Grow, harvest and preserve fruits, grains, vegetables and healing herbs.

o Slaughter and preserve domesticated animals and game of all kinds.

o Identify the best rifles and handguns and different types of ammunition you’ll need for troubled times.

o Find, store and purify drinking water – and stock and preserve precious fuels such as kerosene and gasoline.

o Build and use bombs, grenades, booby traps and other weapons to defend yourself against looters, criminals, cannibals and psychopaths. These same weapons will give you the ability to defend your freedom, should you choose to, against heavily-armed, highly-trained soldiers, both foreign and “federal”, sent to “pacify and conquer” America in the name of the “New World Order.”

o Fortify your home against intruders, gunfire – and worse.

o Barter for everything after your cash becomes worthless.

o Use radios and special codes to keep long-distance communications with friends–if any of them remain alive – secret from your enemies.

What makes Rawles’ book so unusual – and so readable – is that it is a novel, a work of fiction, with an astonishingly detailed and highly-technical survival manual built right in.

“It’s a page-turner,” he says. “It’s motivational, educational, inspirational, informative, entertaining – and just plain fun to read.”

Doctor: Supermarket fruits and veggies worse than liquor, cigs

In Beauty, Health, food, organic food on September 9, 2007 at 10:13 pm

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved. 

THE STRAWBERRY in you plop in your breakfast cereal or spoon over a spongy slab of shortcake ought to be marked with a skull and crossbones because even though it appears to be a healthy choice, it’s actually dripping with deadly pesticides that won’t wash off.

And whenever you eat a strawberry – or any fruit or vegetable that hasn’t been certified as organic – you’re being poisoned as surely as a caterpillar, a bird or rat in the field.

That warning comes from no less a source than the U.S. Department of Agriculture in Washington, D.C.

The agency found in a years-long study of pesticides in our food supply that only peaches are more toxic than strawberries when they arrive at your table.

And not far behind are other favorites like apples, spinach, celery and nectarines.

And that’s after they’ve been washed.

The poison isn’t just on the surface, says the USDA, it’s systemic.

That means you can scrub and peel until you’re blue in the face – you’re still going to be consuming pesticides with every bite.

But that doesn’t mean some fruits and vegetables aren’t safer than others. Asparagus isn’t nearly as toxic as an apple. Bananas are safe to eat and so is broccoli because they’re naturally hardy and farmers don’t have to hose them down with poison all the time to keep them safe from pests and growing.

To help you pick and choose fruits and vegetables for your table, we’ve provided a listing of the 12 Most and 12 Least Contaminated Fruits and Vegetables in a handy chart at the end of this story.

When it comes to the least contaminated choices, experts generally agree that you can purchase non-organics and save money and avoid toxic overload at the same time.

When buying selections from the most contaminated list, it’s a good idea to buy only those that are certified organic.

Otherwise your health could suffer horribly over the long haul. As a Gainesville, FL-based cancer specialist who requested anonymity told me with surprising candor, “Some of these produce items are worse than hard liquor and unfiltered cigarettes combined.”

Pesticides used on these foods, she added, “believe it or not, contain estrogens and other demasculizing chemicals that can shrink a man’s testicles and also give him feminine characteristics such as breasts.

“These chemicals profoundly affect the thyroid and endocrine system – disrupting the many metabolic processes that keep us healthy, fit, energetic and alive.

“Brain damage is a potential side effect. So is cancer. It’s no secret. Any legitimate authority will tell you the same.”

In addition to our food-contamination listing below, we’ve provided a hyperlink to 23 other foods so you can find out how hazardous your favorites are.

There’s a hyperlink, too, to a “digital salad maker.” Use your mouse to combine ingredients, and then click to find out much pesticide you would ingest if you actually ate it.

12 Most Contaminated Fruits and Vegetables

1. Peaches

2. Strawberries

3. Apples

4. Spinach

5. Nectarines

6. Celery

7. Pears

8. Cherries

9. Potatoes

10. Sweet Bell Peppers  

11. Raspberries

12. Imported Grapes

12 Least Contaminated Fruits and Vegetables

1. Sweet Corn

2. Avocado

3. Pineapple

4. Cauliflower

5. Mango

6. Sweet Peas

7. Asparagus

8. Onion

9. Broccoli

10. Bananas

11. Kiwi Fruit

12. Papaya

Pesticides in popular foods – check out your favorites

Interactive site: Pick and choose veggies for a salad – and then find out how toxic it is

Battle cancer, heart disease, arthritis, obesity, acne and more with clippings from your lawnmower’s grass bag

In Beauty, Health, folk remedies, home remedies on September 9, 2007 at 9:50 pm

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved

BEFORE you mow your lawn this week consider this: Most of the pesky weeds growing out there with the grass are potent medicinal herbs that can be used to battle everything from arthritis and cancer to heart disease, PMS, overweight and acne – absolutely free of charge.

Dandelion, chickweed, boneset, red clover, milk thistle, stinging nettles, shepherd’s purse, coltsfoot, burdock, eyebright – the list of healing herbs growing wild in your lawn really does go on forever.

And because they are weeds, they grow like weeds. And that means you don’t have to do anything but sit back and cool your heels while Mother Nature fills your medicine chest for you.

I’m not kidding when I say that in long traditional and common use, these scorned and forgotten plants that blow in on the breeze have been used to fight just about every medical condition and illness you can think of.

Red Clover, burdock and sheep sorrel, for instance, are key components of herbal tonics such as Hoxsey’s legendary cancer formula and nurse Rene Caisse’s Essiac Tea, both of which are in wide and trusted use by people fighting cancers of all kinds.

Dandelion is a mainstay of people with liver disease, bile duct problems and high blood pressure.

Chickweed is relied on to help the body burn off and flush out body fat.

Stinging nettles are used by people battling the pain of arthritis – as well as by men battling diminished sex drive, impotence, or benign enlargement of the prostate.

Black cohosh has worked miracles for women with “problem periods” and premenstrual syndrome as well as those contending with the symptoms of menopause. And then there’s eyebright. It’s one of the world’s most popular herbs for eyes. It’s also used for inflamed and infected sinuses.

The herbs I’ve mentioned here grow just about everywhere – and you’ll certainly find others that are specific to your neighborhood if you take the time to poke around a little.

It might sound odd, but checking the label on a bag or bottle of weed killer will give you a pretty good rundown of the herbs you can expect to find growing wild in your yard.

Below you’ll find a handy listing of common “lawn herbs” followed by a sampling of the traditional and common uses they are famous for.

Remember: If you are seriously ill or think you might be, or if you are pregnant or nursing, use common sense. Consult a health care professional you know and trust before you try to diagnose and treat yourself. The information presented on this page is for informational purposes only, and it is not to be construed as medical advice.

Also, before picking and eating any weed, make sure you have identified it positively – beyond the shadow of any doubt.

Some may be are poisonous. Also, don’t pick herbs growing near busy roads or highways – they almost certainly have been contaminated by sprays or exhaust fumes.

o Cleavers: Lymphatic distress, swollen glands, dry skin, psoriasis, urinary tract infection, ulcers, tumors, water retention.

o Burdock: Bacterial and fungal infections, skin infections, urinary tract infections, psoriasis, eczema, acne, boils, herpes outbreaks, heart problems, anorexia, kidney distress, cystitis.

o Boneset: Colds and flu, respiratory complaints, toxic buildup in blood and tissue, constipation, muscular rheumatism. Contrary to popular belief, boneset does not speed the healing of broken bones. It gets its name from long traditional use as a treatment for “breakbone” – or dengue – fever, a peculiarly painful flu.

o Black Cohosh: Muscle cramps, spasms and pain, tension, arthritis, symptoms of PMS and menopause.

o Buttercup: Pain caused by shingles and sciatica.

o Tansy: Intestinal worms, digestive and menstrual sluggishness.

o Coltsfoot: Asthma, coughs, emphysema. Used externally for skin uclers. o Chicory: Sluggish liver, high cholesterol, rapid heartbeat, acid indigestion, gallstones.

o Chickweed: Externally for cuts, wounds and itchy, irritated skin. Internally for arthritis, blood poisoning and to flush out body fat.

o Cinquefoil: Gum inflammation, sore throat, skin complaints.

o Cocklebur (agrimony): Digestive and liver distress, diarreah, disorders of the mucus membranes, appendicitis, urinary incontinence, cystitis. Also as a gargle for sore throat. Externally for wounds, bruises, asthma, bronchitis.

o Curly Dock: Chronic inflammatory conditions, sluggish bowel, liver disturbances, skin conditions.

o Yellow Dock: Poor night vision, emphysema, blood purification, psoriasis, bile duct sluggishness.

o Dandelion: Edema, heart problems, urinary tract infections, liver complaints, gallstones, inflammation of joints and skin, weight loss.

o Daisy: Coughs, congestion, arthritis, liver and kidney problems, diarreah. o Mallow: Internally for gastitis, stomach ulcers, laryngitis, upper respiratory complaints, bronchitis, inflammation of stomach and small intestines, peptic ulcer, hiatal herniadry cough, inflamed urinary passages. Externally for minor burns, abscesses, wounds.

o Mustard: Externally, to stimulate circulation to relieve muscular and skeletal pain and bronchitis. Internally for feverish colds, flu, chillblains.

o Plaintain: Urinary tract infection, dry or nervous cough, gastic inflammation, lung congestion, inflamed mucus membranes, mild bronchitis, hemorrhoids.

o Purslane: Super food rich in vitamins C and A, potassium, iron, calcium, magnesium, phosphorus and the trace elements boron, tin, zinc and molybdenum. Used for respiratory disorders and skin afflictions, low blood pressure, weakness of the heart. urinary tract disorders.

o Red Clover: Cancer, skin disease, whooping cough, psoriasis. o Sheep Sorrel: Cancer, sluggish liver, water retention, constipation, physical weakness.

o Shepherd’s Purse: Hemorrhoids, excessive menstrual bleeding, nosebleeds, urinary complaints, circulatory stimulant, water retention due to kidney problems.

o Milk Thistle: Chronic liver disease, hepatitis, gall bladder complaints, diminished liver function from drug or alcohol abuse and overexposure to environmental poisons. Regenerates liver cells, stimulates bile flow.

o Euphorbia: Relaxes smooth muscles of lungs helping with asthma and bronchitis, nervous cough, upper respiratory congestion.

o Blessed Thistle: Sluggish digestion caused by fevers, inflammation or infection of the digestive tract.

o Mullein: Asthma, inflammation of trachea and bronchial tubes, dry cough, bronchial spasm. Mullein tones mucus membranes such as sinus, reducing inflammation.

First lady’s wash-off ‘DUBYA’ tattoo – won’t

In Hillary Clinton, Presidential Race, laura bush, politics on September 9, 2007 at 9:33 pm

First lady Laura Bush was stunned to learn that the “wash-off” henna “love tattoo” she got as a surprise for President George Bush is more permanent than she was led to believe.

The palm-sized heart emblazoned with “Luv Ya Dubya” ( Dubya, of course, being the President’s nickname ) will be good to go “for at least two months,” a highly placed staff member says.

 “She is not amused,” the source told me in an exclusive interview.

“The tattoo is about on her right leg, about half-way between her knee and thigh. Unless she gets lucky and it fades faster than expected, you won’t be seeing her in anything but slacks and granny dresses until Halloween.”

The tattoo artist who told the first lady the heart could be “washed off at any time” is an employee of India’s embassy to the United States.

The woman supports libertarian candidate Ron Paul in next year’s presidential election, which may account for her “misleading” the first lady, the staff member says.

Henna is a safe – but stubborn - reddish-brown dye derived from the leaves of the henna plant. It is widely used by Hindus in body-decorating rituals.

Hillary Clinton and Laura Bush in bump and grind showdown: Dance competition on satellite TV will benefit hungry children, says organizer

In Hillary Clinton, Sex, laura bush, politics on September 9, 2007 at 7:17 pm

Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved

A sex shop owner has challenged first lady Laura Bush and presidential hopeful Sen. Hillary Clinton to compete in a “bump and grind showdown” for a children’s charity.

And while it seems unlikely that either woman will participate in such a tawdry spectacle, insiders in both camps are “hoping against hope” that the most recognizable women in American politics will slip into thongs and pasties – or at least one-piece bathing suits – and go at it live, on satellite TV, for everyone on the planet to see.

“Laura isn’t the dowdy old party pooper that people think she is and this could be a kind of ‘coming out‘ party for her,” a Beltway insider with ties to both women told me exclusively.

“Anybody who knows Hillary will tell you that she’s never been one to shy away from a good time and besides, this would give her a chance to show Bill what he’s been missing.

“With all his womanizing, he seems to have forgotten that Hillary is a brilliant, beautiful and sexy woman who’s getting prettier as she gets older.

“The same goes for Mrs. Bush. It’s true that people perceive her as being prim and proper to a fault. But when the first lady lets her hair down, watch out – she’s a wildcat.“

Treight’s Triple X Theater owner Roger Treight says he hit on the idea of a bump-and-grind showdown involving big-name lady politicians after watching a documentary on poverty in the United States.

“When I heard that over 30 percent of American children are living in poverty it made me sick to my stomach,“ says the Los Angeles-based businessman. “I thought, ‘How can this be? Why are we letting our kids go to school hungry?‘

“I started thinking of ways to draw attention to the problem and raise money at the same time. It occurred to me that Mrs. Bush and Mrs. Clinton are among the best-known women on earth, and with all that power and celebrity, they’re headliners in anybody’s book.

“And then it hit me: ‘If Hillary and Laura were competing in a dance contest, everybody would pay good money to see them.’

“We’re not talking about some cheesy back-room amateur night at a topless club. We‘re talking the ultimate pay-for-view for the best cause I can think of – our children.”

Treight says he telephoned “a few friends in high places” who in turn contacted Sen. Clinton, 59, and Mrs. Bush, 60. No official word yet on whether they’ll agree to what he’s already calling “Hillary’s & Laura’s Dance Showdown.”

But Washington is buzzing with the possibilities.

“I’ve got my fingers crossed,“ says a Clinton aide who requested anonymity. “This would be bigger than a presidential debate and a heck of a lot more interesting.”

Adds a Bush insider: “I think the first lady might go for it. The wild card is President Bush. If he thinks the faceoff would offend conservative voters, he’ll nix the plan.

“Of course, if that happens I wouldn’t put it past Hillary to go solo and then make political hay over Laura’s forfeit.”

In Las Vegas, bookmakers are taking the proposed faceoff very seriously, with Hillary considered a 3 to 1 favorite to win – if they dance.

“Hillary’s got the edge but the first lady isn’t exactly chopped liver,“ says one bookie. “If she takes this seriously, and she really commits to the idea of helping those children, she could be a sleeper.”

National Lyme Report poll: Antibiotics still king in treatment of chronic Lyme disease, but herbs are in wide use, too

In Health, Lyme disease, Uncategorized on September 8, 2007 at 6:11 pm

Copyright (c) National Lyme Report/4-Page Media, Inc.

A new National Lyme Report poll of 4,232 readers delivered up numbers that might surprise you, with 51 percent agreeing that “broad-spectrum antibiotics are the most effective treatment for chronic Lyme disease” while 49 percent chose medicinal herbs and supplements as the best regimens to follow.

Broad-spectrum antibiotics include Amoxicillin, Doxycylcine, Cipro and others. All require a doctor to first diagnose Lyme disease and then agree to treat it with an adequate and appropriate course of the drugs.

As Lyme patients know all too well, getting that diagnosis and prescription can be difficult.

That’s why some patients turn to herbs and supplements; because they can’t find a doctor who will give them antibiotics, the alternatives are their only means of treating the illness.

Susan's Herbs

Susan's Herbs

A second reason patients choose alternative therapies is a matter of personal integrity that’s in keeping with their philosophical opposition to pharmaceutical drugs in general, and antibiotics in particular.

Back to doctors and the precribing of antibiotics, a National Lyme Report survey of 100 clinically-diagnosed Lyme patients last April indicated that just six out of 10 received a course of antibiotics even after their doctors had diagnosed Lyme.

Those who did get antibiotics said their MDs had prescribed the drugs for anywhere from three days to three years, indicating how Lyme treatment can vary doctor to doctor for reasons that often are unclear.

An “appropriate dose” as endorsed by federal authorities at the Centers for Disease Control and National Institutes of Health, among others, is three to four weeks – although not everyone agrees that that is sufficient to defeat chronic Lyme.

Many patients argue for the long-term or open-ended prescription of antibiotics, and the issue is both emotion-charged and steeped in controversy. For the record, National Lyme Report editorially supports patients of chronic Lyme in their fight to get antibiotic treatment that they, as patients, consider adequate. And we encourage doctors to pay less attention to guidelines and more attention to individuals.

Aside from antibiotics, several specific herbal therapies got a thumbs up from chronic-Lyme patients who participated in our poll. Your doctor can help you decide if supplements are right for you, and make recommendations based on your special needs.

Note: You can help Lyme patients who want long-term antibiotic therapy to get long-term therapy by signing the petition you find by clicking Help Lyme Patients.

Questions? Comments? Write to us. We read and respond to every letter, often within minutes, always within one day.

Get ahead in your career and have more fun at parties with a fabulous new bun job?

In Uncategorized on September 5, 2007 at 3:55 am

 Copyright (c) 2007 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

You can spice up your love life, have more fun at parties, improve your self image and even get ahead on the job by making a modest but important investment in a booty-boosting butt implant.

And the bigger your “bun job,” say grateful recipients, the better off you’ll be.

“Beefed-up buns really can be your ticket to a happier life,“ declares Susan Ambrosino, who conducted a series of telephone surveys for a major women’s magazine on cosmetic surgery generally and implants in particular.

“There’s something about a firm, full, well-shaped bottom that makes people feel good about themselves. They’re more confident in clothes. They enjoy the looks and comments they get from the opposite sex. Their self image improves.

“And with that improved confidence and self image, other good things happen. Men and women who used to be reserved and uncertain at parties and on the job tell us that suddenly – and in some cases miraculously – they’ve become more assertive and self assured.

“And these people aren’t imagining things, either. Of a group of 22 women and 17 men who said they got a career boost after surgery, all of the women and 15 of the men had tangible proof – a raise, a promotion, or both, in their personnel files at work.

“So, far from being a mere exercise in vanity, the surgery really can have a positive and profound, life-changing benefit for men and women of all ages and from all walks of life.

“The findings shocked me,” she adds. “Like a lot of people, I thought butt implants were the height of vanity and a big joke. But not anymore.“

According to Ambrosino, the surveys show that butt-implant recipients are almost universally happy with their “tinkered-with” tushes, sometimes for reasons that have nothing to do with self image or appearance.

As one grateful male retiree put it: “I used to dread sitting down because I had lost all my ‘padding‘. Now, with my implants, I feel like I’m perched on a cloud. I‘m thinking about going back for bigger implants. The bigger the better.“

As you might suspect, butt implants are wildly popular with women who want to turn heads the way big-bottomed songbird Jennifer Lopez does.

But increasing numbers of guys are jumping on the “buns of steel bandwagon”, too. Why?

“They’re hoping to plump up those ‘ironing board behinds‘ that follow them into middle age,” Ambrosino says with a laugh. “And you know what? They’re the first to admit it.

“They know women like men with little curve in their caboose.”

Prices for the surgery varies from $500 to $5,000 depending on where you live. Consult a surgeon near you for details, Ambrosino says.

Hold on to your hat: You’ll never guess what we found in Hillary Clinton’s trash

In Blogroll, Can this be true?, Hillary Clinton, Presidential Race, Satan's corner, campaign smear, derek clontz, dirty tricks, dumpster diving, gee whiz, hey, human behavior, inspirational, life, mabel, marriage, men and women, new studies, odd, offbeat, office talk, outrageous, politics, psychology, relationships, stir fry, straight poop, trivia, wild world, women on September 4, 2007 at 3:12 pm

Copyright (c) Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Sen. Hillary Clinton and hubby Bill are among the most powerful people on the planet but they still pull their pants on one leg at a time like everyday folks – and the items my reporters gleaned from their trash during an unprecedented 12-month investigation proves it.

Things like:

o Beanie Weenies – 173 peel-top, spoon-scraped, heat ‘n’ eat cans’ worth in Sen. Clinton’s bedroom trash alone.

o 623 pairs of “ultra queen” panty hose. Tellingly, each and every pair had failed what industry experts call “the stretch test” in those “hyper-critical thigh and buttocks zones.”

o A partially gift-wrapped box of 18 exploding cigars (out of 24) that featured poorly-drawn but recognizable likenesses of Monica Lewinski on their wrappers.

o A Buns of Steel videotape, its plastic housing cracked and punctured as if someone had jabbed it with a fire-poker or stomped it repeatedly with a high-heel shoe.

o Empty tubes and bottles of Preparation H, Binaca breath freshener and at least three different herbal formulas that are widely used to improve memory, boost male “vitality” and wipe out symptoms of menopause or PMS.

o A “Psychic Hotline” membership card signed by Mrs. Clinton.

o Chinese “seaweed-diet-soap” wrappers – dozens of them.

o A congratulatory letter and fake “check” from Publisher’s Clearinghouse announcing Bill “Clanton’s” apparent sweepstakes victory. Curiously, the bogus check was endorsed.

o Five unopened letters from Clinton’s brother, Roger; a cancer patient in Utah; a Cub Scout troop in upstate New York; a homeless family in West Virginia; and former vice president Al Gore.

o Two unopened containers of imported HOMBRE! “love” oil inside a box marked, “Hill – let me know when you want to try this.”

o A bizarre, 4-pound paperweight that when held up to light and tilted side-to-side interchanges photographs of alleged Bill Clinton-lover Paula Jones before and after she got her nose job.

o An anatomically-correct male voodoo doll complete with strategically-placed, 7-inch hatpin.

o Scrap paper marked with a series of numbers that, when added, either by coincidence or design, give you Miss Lewinski’s current telephone number.

o A partially-shredded but shockingly candid note on Bill Clinton’s personal stationery observing that “somebody hit (Senator and presidential candidate Barack) Obama with an ugly stick.”

o An angry note in what looks like Mrs. Clinton’s handwriting – almost certainly false – alleging that Bill Clinton is not Chelsea Clinton’s biological father.

Psychologist Patricia Moore analyzed the trash that our reporters plucked from tons of less significant garbage the Clintons pitched while traveling singly or together to hundreds of locations worldwide over the past 12 months.

She concluded: “The trash contains an absolutely human mix of items that proves no matter how powerful we get, no matter how much money we have, no matter how aristocratic we appear to be, we all have the same hopes and dreams, the same problems, weaknesses and concerns.

“If you told me you’d found all these items in a dumpster at a trailer park, I wouldn’t have batted an eyelash. The Clinton’s trash is Everyman’s trash. Only the names are changed.”

 

Hip-Hop’s shocking secret: Half of all gangsta rappers grew up rich

In Uncategorized on September 2, 2007 at 1:03 am

An astonishing half of all gangsta rappers who profess to be “street smart” and “ghetto ready” were born rich and grew up in upscale neighborhoods where nobody goes hungry, gunplay is unheard of and “ho’s” aren’t your female friends, they’re high-priced call girls who charge your rich daddy $500 an hour for love sessions until your mother finds out and smacks him over the head with a custom-made golf club.

That’s the word from French sociologist Dr. Maurice Delacourt, who found in a study of 647 up-and-coming and established hip-hop stars who billed  themselves as “gangstas” that only 310 grew up poor, and only six of those lived in households with incomes below the poverty line.

“A full 337 of the rappers were raised in upper middle class families with incomes exceeding $100,000 a year,” the Paris-based scientist told me in an exclusive interview for my new book, Everything You Know Is About Half Right.

“They lived in fine homes, attended the best schools and slept in warm, comfortable beds. They always had good food on the table, plenty of money in their pockets, and substantial discretionary bank accounts given to them by their wealthy parents.

“They didn’t learn hip-hop on the streets. They picked it up watching TV. That doesn’t mean they aren’t talented. Many of them are quite talented, and some of them, like 50 Cent, are geniuses.

“It simply means they’re like every other celebrity out there. They’ll say or do anything to make a name for themselves, stretching the truth about about their backgrounds included.”

Not surprisingly, the hip hop stars who really did grow up poor on the streets have the shortest careers – but not because they run out of things to rap about.

“All too often, like rap legends Tupac Shakur and Biggie, they’re cut down in cold blood by rivals, or they succumb to substance abuse,” Delacourt says. 

Your world-exclusive Health-Scope for Sept. 1-7, 2007 – added value for reading my blog

In Health, Horoscope, Lyme disease, Uncategorized on September 1, 2007 at 4:58 pm

You asked for it and you’re getting it: My intuitive look at YOUR health for the week of Sept. 1-7.  Read on to find out just how accurate I might be. If you have a strong opinion about what you see, I want to hear from you. So, is my Health-Scope just for fun? Really, really serious? I’ve ghostwritten for a dozen internationally-famed psychics over the past 25 years, and, well … YOU be the judge!

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Taking the bull by the horns is strongly advised. Not only will you feel better, your health and spirits will soar. Lots of change on the way. Will it be for the better? Keep a positive attitude, and the answer is “yes!”

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Everything’s coming up roses for you but you’ve got to slow down and smell them! The frantic pace sooner than later will compromise your health. Take all the time YOU need – now!

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Friends or family members are letting you down and a heart-to-heart talk is well advised. Set things straight and you’ll feel better emotionally and physically. Look on the BRIGHT side!

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You’ve seen the light that can change your life – so what you are you going to do about it? If unsure, you MUST talk things over with a friend. Remember: It’s finally time to take care of YOU! Your happiness and health depend on it.

Leo (July 23-August 22)
A minor health complaint needs attention now before it careens out of control. Don’t assume EVERYTHING will clear up without the TLC you haven’t been giving yourself, but deserve. And YES, to answer your questions – she (and you know who she is) really does like you.

Virgo (August 23-Sept. 22)
You’ve got the time and attention to lavish on everyone but yourself. Set aside one day a week just for you and you’ll reap healthy rewards FOR LIFE. Someone is taking advantage of you, but you DON’T have to be a doormat.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Falling in love is easy now – maybe TOO easy. Be extra careful if spoken for or you’ll wind up in BIG TROUBLE. Energy is sky high. Use every “drop” to make GOOD things happen for YOU! A whole-foods menu is strongly advised!

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Change is in the air and you are well advised to take advantage. Trust your instincts and take a few risks to add spice to your life. A certain someone is attracted to you in a big way. Health is only so-so if you won’t eat right!

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-De. 21)
Every problem comes equipped with a built-in solution but a positive attitude is a must if you expect to “see” it. Set goals NOW for future happiness. Dream BIG and make it happen. The energies of success are with you!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Spiritual insights come fast and furious. You’ve been wanting change and now you can have it … if you find the courage to “let go” of the past and embrace the future. Questions? Every answer you seek can be had by following your heart!

Aquarius (Jan. 20- Feb. 18)
Just when people begin to see things YOUR way you leapfrog to an even more ADVANCED perspective. Don’t whine – you LOVE being ahead of your time! Occasional loneliness is just part of the package.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Future happiness and fulfillment depend on TWO tough decisions you must make now, and you know what they are. Question: Do you have the courage to “leave the herd” and follow your heart? If not, golden opportunity will pass you by!