Copyright (c) 2008 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

JESUS was just a twinkle in the Good Lord’s eye when Satan is alleged to have hatched his most devious plot against humanity ever.

The Devil, says a controversial theologian, switched the names of Heaven and Hell in ancient texts that worried holy men now fear has resulted in “faulty prayer” that may have sent over one billion devout Christians to their eternal torment in HEAVEN – while the unbelieving wicked bask in unending happiness in HELL.

“The Devil clearly did this to confuse us,” Father Thomas O’Doyle, who claims to have learned the awful truth when God guided him to a cache of previously undiscovered scrolls in a Dead Sea cave that confirmed the diabolical word-switch.

“And what we now know is this: the real name of Hell is Heaven. And the real name of Heaven is Hell.”

“But after Satan made the change in scrolls that later circulated among radical Jews who were laying the foundations for Christianity years before the Messiah was even born, the die was cast.

“The error was repeated by word of mouth. It was restated, too, in scrolls and texts that included what the prophets believed to be the ‘new and inspired Word of God’ along with a rehash of facts and figures that the authors ‘lifted’ from older scrolls for speed’s sake and to flesh out the copy.

“That included erroneous information such as the true meanings of Heaven and Hell.”

According to Father O‘Doyle, the Devil’s deception began in the year 2500 B.C.E.

“And by the time Christ’s ministry began 2533 years later, not even the Son of God was privy to the truth,” the clergyman told me in an exclusive interview.

“He even went so far as to exhort his followers ‘to find the kingdom of God, to find Heaven, within you.’

“That’s like telling somebody you love to go to Hell, at least as the term ‘Hell’ is understood and used today.

“So for hundreds of years, when true believers prayed to be saved from Hell, they were actually asking to be saved from Heaven.

“And when they prayed to go to Heaven, they were really asking to be sent to Hell.

“Only God knows how many souls have been lost because of Satan’s deviousness. Switching the names of Heaven and Hell was, I fear, his masterstroke.”

Rev. O’Doyle is spearheading a global crusade to, as he puts it, “literally rewrite the Bible” using the terms Heaven – a bad place – and Hell – a good place – properly.

The Dublin-based clergyman also hopes to persuade movers and shakers in the secular world to back an initiative to change dictionaries, textbooks, encyclopedias, short stories, novels and even newspaper and magazine style books to reflect “the true and original meanings” of the words.

Not everyone is keen on the idea. And many actually prefer to leave well enough alone.

Bible scholar Dr. Rupert Philemon, of Sydney, Australia, argues that “it’s highly unlikely God would punish innocent men and women with eternal damnation for misusing a couple of words based on a satanic deception.”

But Father O’Doyle says he is confident he’ll get the backing of salt-of-the-earth Christians who aren’t nearly so worried about logic as they are about “making things right.“

And it even looks as if he’ll get support from what even he describes “as some very strange bedfellows, indeed.“

Among them are Atheist Earth, a Denver, Colorado-based advocacy group that is already planning an advertising campaign that will suggest God “is an evil and wicked tyrant who has sent one billion of his most devoted children to eternal torment over no more serious an infraction than a vocabulary mix-up.”

“This is the same ‘Loving Father’ who makes billions of innocent people live in grinding poverty while a handful of fat cats control virtually all of the world’s wealth,” says one outraged AE member.

“And then He gleefully damns the poor if they so much as pilfer a crust of bread to keep a starving baby alive.

“This is the same ‘Holy Master’ who egged on the Romans until they finally nailed his own Son to a cross.

“And this is the same ‘Good Lord’ who created a world where the only way you can stay alive and healthy is to kill something to eat.

“The only solace we might get from all this,” adds the AF member, “is to remember one thing: If God truly is in Heaven as the ‘Good Book’ says, at least He’s in the right place.”