Copyright (c) 2009 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
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WASHINGTON - Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and other leading women in the Obama administration have quietly challenged scientists to build robots that are sophisticated enough to replace men by the year 2012.
And believe it or not, experts in the fields of computer science and artificial intelligence say it can be done.
“We can make a serviceable male ’sex-bot’ right now,” says Dr. Pauline Fallington, whose scholarly books on robotics are considered standards in the field.
“But frustrated ladies are telling us they want ‘mechanical men’ that are capable of performing ALL the functions of the human male, machines that can:
* “Hold simple conversations,
* Perform passably for short periods on the dance floor,
* “Do a few chores around the house, and,
* “Provide a sense of physical security for women who are uncomfortable living alone.
“A tall order, it would seem, but certainly within the realm of what’s possible.
“I’d say it’s likely that we can create robots that will compare quite favorably with men if not surpass them well before the target date of 2012.”
Male advocacy groups are outraged by the suggestion that men can be replaced by machines, especially in the bedroom where imagination and creativity play as much of a role as “mechanics.”
But growing numbers of women are thrilled by the prospect -and they’re pressing for it.
“It’s been a man’s world long enough,” fumes Marilyn Foste, author of the controversial 2003 book, Real Women Don’t Wear Tampons, and the equally incendiary 2007 followup … Or Feminine Napkins, Either, You Pig.
“Women are making gains in the workplace, so we don’t need men to support us.
“About the only thing we do need them for is sex, for companionship, for protection, and to help out with the kids.
“Talk to any woman with a significant other and ask her about her guy.
“She’ll tell you he’s uncouth, demanding, lazy, seldom talks or offers support, and is only a marginal player at best in the sack.
“So how sophisticated does a robot have to be to top that? I would suggest to you, not very.”
Amazingly, gay guys are jumping on the “replace-men-with-robots” bandwagon, too.
“We figure if women get the robots, we’ll get the real guys,” chortles a leading gay activist and author from Miami.
“This could do wonders for the gay movement.”
While gay men and feminists lick their chops over what the future might bring, men who subscribe to traditional views of sex, marriage and the family unit are preparing to fight back.
“Contrary to what some women might say, men are still in control,” says a Dallas, Texas-based clergyman who requested anonymity.
“We might be a silent majority now, but if you press us too far, I think you’ll see us bring the little fillies back under control.”
Technology on parade – every day derekclontz.wordpress.com
Editor’s note: President Barack and first lady Michelle Obama are said to be outraged over the roaches they found in the White House just days after ex-President George bush and wife Laura moved out. At first, they thought they were dealing with ordinary German cockroaches, but entomologists (bug experts) from George Washington University, in Washinton, D.C., quickly identified them as Guatemalan “potty roaches”, as described in our story, below. Potty roaches are hard to kill, but you, like the Obamas, can fight an infestation with the tips you‘ll find in Roaches and Their Control, a free pamphlet you can get by calling any county extension office in the United States. Ask for publication IC-406.
