Copyright (c) 2009. Derek Clontz/Your World Report. All rights reserved.
Contrary to what you might think, the “average American” adult isn’t a married church-goer with a dog, a cat, 2.5 kids and a home in the suburbs. Instead, if you choose to believe a blistering new White House study, he or she is a:
Barack Obama commissioned the "average American" study.
o Bed-hopping sex nut who does the wild thing 4.2 times a week with three different partners who may or may not include a spouse.
o Big drinker who knocks back 12 icy beers, a bottle of wine or eight stiff cocktails every day of his or her life.
o Thief who pilfers something from a friend, family member, store or the office two times a week.
o Liar who stretches truth to the breaking point 14 times a day.
o Office slave who earns just $22,000 a year.
o Debt slave who’s salted away just $100 in savings while running up his or her credit card balances to $23,000. Additional debt includes an auto loan of $242,000, a mortgage of $167,000, and a second mortgage of $100,000. The grand total? A whopping $290,000.
o Victim of at least two sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes, hepatitis C or the virus that causes genital warts.
o Pitiful daydreamer who thinks an SUV in the driveway and closet full of unused sports equipment puts him or her in league with the sports stars and adventurers they watch on TV.
o Sofa spud who blows six hours per day in front of the boob tube on weekdays, 10 hours on weekends.
o Tubbo who is 37 pounds overweight – and gaining.
Editor’s note: Rumors that criminal mastermind and cult king Charles Manson has been diagnosed with prostate cancer are true, but the good news (or bad news, depending on your point of view) is that – like most prostate cancers in elderly men – it is growing slowly and isn’t immediately life threatening. Prison doctors, in fact, according to our sources, have said “watchful waiting makes sense” in Manson’s case. In other words, if the cancer becomes more aggressive, they likely will recommend surgery or radiation – but not before. Also, we are told Manson still is in the possession of what has been called his “prodigious and insatiable sex drive”, the outlet for which we will, in the interest of modesty, leave to the imaginations of our readers. – Derek Clontz
By John W. Whitehead Special to derekclontz.wordpress.com
Are you hep to what the Beatles are saying? Dig it, they are telling it like it is. They know what’s happening in the city; blackie is getting ready. They put the revolution to music. It’s “Helter Skelter.” Helter-Skelter is coming down. - Charles Manson
Every generation has its maniacs – especially racist maniacs. Such was Charles Manson. Here’s his story as it unfolded 40 years ago – one that is a lesson to us today. This is especially so in light of the rise of racism in America and violent acts that inevitably follow from it.
Charles Manson
Drenched in blood, a dead body was slumped in a car on the driveway. Two bodies, looking like mannequins dipped in red paint, lay on the manicured lawn. As police officers entered the home, they noticed the word “PIG” painted on the door in blood.
In the center of the living room, facing the fireplace, was a long couch. Draped over the back was a huge American flag. It was Saturday, August 9, 1969. (Ironically, the day before in England, the Beatles walked across Abbey Road for the last time–the photo captured for posterity on the album of the same name.)
On the other side of the couch lay a young blond woman, very pregnant. Later identified as Sharon Tate, film director Roman Polanski’s wife, she lay in a fetal position, her legs tucked up toward her stomach. Blood had been smeared all over her.
A white nylon rope was looped around her neck twice; one end extended over a rafter in the ceiling, the other led across the floor to yet another body, that of a man, about four feet away. The man was drenched in blood, his face covered with a bloody towel, his hands bunched up near his head as if still warding off blows.
When the police lifted the towel, the man’s face was so badly contused that the police became sick to their stomachs.
Charles Manson, the psychopathic killer responsible for the seven murders at this Hollywood Hills home, blamed the Beatles’ White Read the rest of this entry »
Copyright (c) 2009 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
In a stunning development that could alter the course of her murder trial, tot-mom Casey Anthony is alleged to have accused three ”public employees” of “sexual misconduct,” a source close to the case reports.
Officials at Florida’s Orange County Sheriff’s Department and Orange County Jail , where Anthony has been held since last October, have not responded to the allegation, but one person in a position to know tells Your World Report that ” (Anthony) is … click to read full story …
Copyright (c) 2009 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
Computer-enhanced visual of a sentence as it is extracted from a wall.
If you’re cheating on your sweetie or talking behind somebody’s back, watch out – because there’s a new gadget headed for market that can pick up voices from walls for up to 10 years after somebody said them.
That means your boss could scan your cubicle at the office and hear you trashing him in conversations dating back to 1999.
Or your spouse could scan your bedroom – and find out if you had an illicit lover in there.
“People have dreamed about talking walls for ages and now, at last, with this new technology, they really … click Walls CAN Talk to read full story at Derek Clontz’s Your World Report
Copyright (c) 2009 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
Everybody laughs about the facelifts, collagen injections and Botox shots that make politicians look like zombies who’ve just escaped the cemetery.
Nancy Pelosi works hard to keep a more youthful look. Click her picture to see more photos.
Pie-eyed, waxen-faced Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (right) instantly comes to mind.
As do Sen. John Kerry, Vice President Joe Biden and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
But if you are a taxpayer, the joke is on you.
Because these expensive procedures are paid for by the deductible-free health-care packages that our elected officials give themselves as part of their compensation for “serving the people.”
Your health insurance won’t pay for cosmetic surgery or injections unless, God forbid, your face is ripped off your skull in an auto accident – or your child is burned beyond recognition in a fire.
But in the Omnibus Spending Bill just rammed through the U.S. House of Representatives and Senate, our elected officials made sure they can get all the Botox, collagen and face lifts they want for no reason other than to mask their true age.
And they did it, the Office of Management and Budget found in an analysis of government spending, by earmarking a staggering $23 million to cover insurance surcharges for cosmetic procedures that aren’t medically necessary.
In boom times with a growing economy, nobody would care.
But the expenditure of $23 million during what many argue is a Second Great Depression makes no sense at all, at least not to working men and working women who are struggling to pay their mortgages and feed their children, wrinkles, frownlines and all.
What do you think? Vote in our poll and send your comments. Your opinion counts.
Copyright (c) 2009 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
Casey Anthony
ORANGE COUNTY, FL, JAIL – Casey Anthony wants to sell her dead baby’s toys so she’ll have more money to spend on ”candy bars, potato chips, hemorrhoid medication, breath spray, chewing gum and bottled water,” a source close to the case reports.
“Virtually everything belonging to baby Caylee Anthony is potential evidence in the murder case against her mother, Casey Anthony, so there’s no way on Earth those toys are going to wind up in a garage sale,” a legal expert and cable-news consultant told derekclontz.wordpress.com exclusively.
“But I’m not surprised to hear that she wants to sell them. For one thing, there could be something in there that links her to the baby’s death even more strongly than evidence the police have already uncovered.
“We also know she likes snack food and, as (news commentator) Nancy (Grace) likes to put it, ‘expensive bottled water’, so having a little extra money in her account would keep those treats coming.
“I find it interesting that she reportedly also said she would use some of the money for breath spray and hemorrhoid medication. I’m thinking, ‘You know, if I was in jail waiting for my murder trial to start, what would I want? Snacks, maybe, yes, that makes sense to me. And the hemorrhoid medication is self explantory.
“But breath spray? What’s that all about?”
Jail officials declined to comment on the report. And a spokesman for Casey’s defense team led by Orlando, Florida defense attorney Jose Baez zipped his lips, too, when asked to confirm or deny that the young woman wants to sell her dead daughter’s toys.
The jail source, however, confirmed: “This isn’t hearsay. I heard Casey say she wanted to sell Caylee’s toys. She was waving a piece of paper that listed all the things she wanted to buy with the profits. Those things were, in order, ‘candy bars, potato chips, hemorrhoid medication, breath spray, chewing gum and bottled water.’
“It’s hard to know whether to laugh or cry when Casey pops off like this. Sometimes I wish I was a psychotherapist just so I could figure out what’s going on in that woman’s head.”
Copyright (c) Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
Unsuspecting Catherine Joffre gave birth to a 9-pound, 4-ounce baby girl who, just minutes later, amazingly, gave birth to an 8.1-ounce baby boy, say doctors.
“This condition is called ‘fetus in fetus’ and it is extraordinarily rare,” Dr. Joel Lemoine told derekclontz.com in an exclusive telephone interview from his office in Paris.
“The baby girl is doing fine. But the baby that was growing inside her – a twin that was absorbed into her body while they were developing – is clinging to life.
“We invite anybody who is so inclined to pray for him,” adds the doctor. “Only a miracle will keep him alive.”
For the geneologists out there, the birth of a baby who gave birth to a baby made Mrs. Joffre, 27, a mother and a grandmother on the same day. The father, Samuel Joffre, 29, in turn became a father and a grandfather.
Copyright (c) 2009 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
READER ALERT: DerekClontz.WordPress.com will pay you $20 a minute to read our weekly newscast in your bathing suit. Work from your home anywhere on earth. Read more and apply at http://derekclontz.wordpress.com/2009/07/21/read-our-news-for-cash-and-fame-derekclontz-wordpress-com-job-opportunity/
AS MANY as 200,000 eye-popping secretaries, interns and office assistants are expected to bare their bottoms in our 2nd Annual “International Wear Your Thong to Work Day” on Oct. 30 – but get this:
THONGGGG! Hard-working model is attractive - but not lurid - in a tasteful, G-rated thong bikini. This is a perfect choice for derekclontz.wordpress.com's 2nd Annual International Wear Your Thong to Word Day.
The number might easily balloon to 400,000 or more total participants because, this year, men and over-30 women have been invited to join the fun, too.
College students also are welcome to jump on the bandwagon by wearing thongs to their classes.
But high school students are too young and need to dress normally unless they hold part-time jobs and get written permission from their parents and supervisors.
“It’s going to be big,” observes derekclontz.wordpress.com editor Derek Clontz, who masterminded the fun event that drew an estimated 75,000 “thongers” in 342 workplaces across the United States and globally in 2008.
“We’re looking for a massive turnout far exceeding last year’s group. Our first International Wear Your Thong to Work Day was limited to women under the age of 25, a good idea but turned out to be impossible to enforce.
“So this year we’re blowing the lid off all restrictions and flinging open the floodgates, inviting everyone to catch the derekclontz.wordpress.com wave and join the fun.
“Mature women, men of all shapes and sizes, even ‘out-of-trim’ supervisors and business owners who are up in years and past their prime – we’re willing to take all comers.
“And one of the great things about International Wear Your Thong to Work Day is that it doesn’t cost a dime to participate. All you have to do is slip into a thong that covers enough ‘real estate’ to keep you from getting arrested, grab your briefcase or lunch box and head out for work.
“To make sure you aren’t mistaken as a sex pest or a person of ill repute, we advise you to e-mail for your Official DerekClontz.WordPress.com International Wear Your Thong to Work Day ID card, emblazoned with our distinctive ‘thong logo’. On August 19, pin it to the back of your thong where it won’t be overlooked.
“This really is one of the few rites of spring and summer that you can enjoy with less effort than it takes to put on your clothes in the morning.
President Barack Obama says International Thong Day "will boost the nation's morale."
“And if you‘re the least bit lonely or in the market for a new sweetie, it’s an efficient way to attract a date.”
Surprisingly to some observers, derekclontz.wordpress.com’s 1st Annual International Wear Your Thong to Work Day was well-received in all but a handful of church offices, hospital emergency rooms, and public schools that enforce strict dress codes for teachers.
There were no other reported problems anywhere in the United States or abroad, Clontz says.
In fact, a Waffle House cook in Columbia, South Carolina, actually caught the eye of a major Hollywood producer who has since placed her in supporting roles in several widely seen commercials.
“I’ll be wearing my thong,” says Clontz. “I encourage you to do the same.”
To get your FREE and OFFICIAL International Wear Your Thong to Work Day ID Card, write to us using the comment box on this page. We’ll e-mail an optimized jpeg (photograph) that you can print and wear on Thong Day.
Copyright (c) 2009 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
Give Fox News and CNN another day or two and they’ll be reporting this, too: A staggering $22.4 million in Viagra and sexy-nighty “pork” has been hidden away in the near trillion dollar economic stimulus package that President Barack Obama and democrats are trying to push through Congress.
Will Viagra sex pills help save U.S. economy? Democrats say, "Yes."
And that’s not all. Tucked in over 600 densely worded pages of, as government watchdog Paul Fenderson puts it, ”bureaucratic lies and deceptions”, are over $475 million in earmarks that will pay for such things as:
- Acrylic nails and gold tennis bracelets for unemployed women.
- Nighties and sex toys for people who want to enjoy an active sex life but have no money to buy “accessories” that other people use to enhance their experiences. This includes $22.4 million specifically reserved to foot the bill for Viagra and Cialis “erection pills” for indigent and unemployed men who might not otherwise be able to father children.
- Digital cameras and camcorders for the homeless to photograph their lives on the fringes of society.
- Obama-NationandChange You Can Believe In T-shirts for all protected classes, including African Americans, Hispanics and women.
FREE GUIDE: 1,700 home remedies for 176 illnesses and afflictions at HerbNews.org
- Hip-Hop and rock CDs, boom boxes and car stereos as incentives to at-risk youth to stay in school at least until age 16.
- Government land, Jeeps, hybrid vehicles and modular housing units for young adults who “aren’t college material” and have “temperament and personality problems” that will make it “difficult” to place them in jobs.
- Fully illustrated, full-color Korans with free DVDs for people who trade in their old Bibles and sign papers saying they are interested in “learning more about a different religion.”
“This is just the tip of the iceberg of madness that Mr. Obama and the democrats have larded into the so-called economic stimulus package,” Fender told me exclusively.
“I urge every America who cares about this country to call or e-mail his congressmen and say, ‘I will actively work against your re-election if you support this insane bailout.’
“That’s all you need to get across. If your congressmen do vote for the package, then it’s incumbent on you to be true to your word. You can start by stating your intention in the comments section on this blog. Tell the world you aren’t going to stand for this.
“You’ve got just days to make your stand. Otherwise, this bill will be passed.”
What do YOU think? Vote in our poll and comment now.
Copyright (c) 2009 Derek Clontz/4-Page Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
Jesus Christ - or a trick of light - photographed over Obama inauguration?
President Barack Obama has asked a powerful new linguistic task force to find ways to expand the definition of “middle class” to include “lower class” and “upper class” while keeping “the super rich” in a category of their own.
President Barack Obama.
In that way, the president confided to senior administration officials, the true and traditional middle class will feel as if they are the focus of economic initiatives while the lower class will understand that they, as part of the middle class, also are being helped.
Under this semantical scheme, the upper class will see themselves as beneficiaries as well, because, as actual members of the middle class per the linquistic team’s forthcoming redefinitions, they will be on the “handout radar”, too.
Derek Clontz: Got a news tip? Write today. Your privacy is assured.
As the so-called fairness state unfolds, the super rich will be reminded that they are comfortably distanced and well isolated from the underclasses, including former upper-class folks who, even though they had been fairly well off, weren’t in a position to pay high-priced accountants to prevent the redistribution of their wealth in the form of tax cuts to people who don’t pay taxes.
For the record, the super rich likely will include all serious politicians, some celebrities and most corporate CEOs.
“The strength of our economy can be measured by the strength of our middle class,” Obama said.
“This is a difficult moment. But I believe, if we act boldly and swiftly, it can be an American moment — when we work through our differences and overcome our divisions to become, truly, a nation of two peoples, the middle classes and the monied classes, working together, as one.”
